And I'm so afraid
But I shouldn't be
Because I know the one
I love
Has no love for me
And somehow that's
Ok
But it shouldn't be
And I'm sick
With desire
And despair and the siblings
Assault me senselessly
And I have no idea what to do
What to make of the love that I hold
It's not broken
But it should be
I can't hang on to it
And I can't keep it
And I can't live with myself any longer
Because it burns
And every day I hide my pain behind a smile
Behind my simple backdrop, my front
And I know that keeping it away will
Hurt me but that's ok
Because I am used to the pain
And I know there is nothing for me to be had here
So I attempt
And succeed
At moving past all that I hold dear
And starting anew
And that's how it is now
How it should be

The silent echo of the sad smile still remains imprinted on the back of my eyelids.
The etchings are clearly visible to me when I shut my eyes and I know that even though I will never be able to stop loving her she will never love me back.
And I can feel this worming and tearing itself into my heart and it burns and I sit until I can not take it any longer.
And I watch helplessly as the small, sharp razor dances across my wrist, held by cold, clammy hands that are both mine and not under my control at all at the same time.
And I feel the pain but I know soon it will be gone and then, I will finally be free.

Thinking of you

The other day
I found myself
Thinking of you
Yet again
I said I wouldn't but I did
I'm sorry
Not to you
But to myself
I didn't mean anything
By it
Thinking of you
You
The scar
I hold in my heart
Torn open once again
Hurts so bad
Because I'm thinking of you
Not dying but
I wish I was
Not sick but
Still diseased
Because I just can't
Stop
Thinking
Of
You.

Mirror Image
Through the glass,
I see,
A shadow of a former self
A broken
Bruised
Shattered
Form
Caught
Between the oncoming storm
And love
And love
Is slipping through my fingers
Like the grains of the sand on the beach where I stand
And the storm is coming
And he cannot comply
To either
So he is just there
In the glass
Broken
Bruised
Beaten
Shattered
Worn
Gone
And the mirror image strikes me to the heart
And I fall
Through the rain
Away
Gone

I have no name. I am a ripple on the pond of life. Merely an audience member to the stage of the world, i sit and observe the players. I am the night wind, cold and dark and breezy. I hide in the ceiling and i sleep in your hat. I am a raven, black and airborne, trailing dark feathers as i swoop away silently into the night. I am a raindrop, wet and cold. I am nothing and I am everything.

A short haiku, sort of a preview of whats to come with my poetry in quick shadows:

The dark tears we cry,
broken dreams we leave behind,
lying in shadow.